When I search for “women’s wool sleepwear,” I get results that are not a good fit.

You might wonder why I’m surprised.

It’s worse than “not a good fit,” actually. The only wool garments that anyone sleeps in (apparently) are long johns, though a few hippie suppliers provide wool garments for babies and youth, and there are some cotton/wool blend plaid pajamas for lumberjack men in Maine.

My search doesn’t even bring these to the top, though. Instead, I receive marketing ads for crotchless lingerie.

I should clarify: The crotchless garment is intended, explicitly with demonstrative photos, for women. At least that part matches my search.

But it isn’t even wool.

I thought, truly, that Merino wool would be an excellent fabric in which to keep my beloved warm through the night. But I realize now that my quest is for a 1950s (1850s?) woman living in a 21st century world in which there is no apparent need for crotches in sleepwear, and in which the elves within the computers characterize me almost entirely accurately except for these details around the fringes. And in the crotches.

So this year, perhaps there will be socks, and they will be warm, and there will be no holes, gaps, or other unseemly openings.


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